Hello Tokyo

So I am officially settled in to my new place in Tokyo. I arrived safe and sound last Monday. So far things have been a little rocky to say the least. The second I arrived I was whisked off to castings at 8 at night. By the time I got home to my little box, I passed out, woke up, and had to figure my way to Agence Presse on my own. Despite having a minor breakdown when I realized everything was in Japanese, I managed to navigate my way to the agency. After arriving, they immediately measured me, and told me I was way too big in my waist. It was approximately 67 cm. I am now on a mission to lose at least 2 cm, or I risk being sent home. While it is harsh, I have learned to appreciate the pressure they put on us. Modeling is a special job that not everyone can do, and if they weren't so determined to have us all looking so skinny, then anyone could do it. The size at our height is what makes us unique. Wish me luck on this one!!

My typical day here consists of having a driver take me to anywhere between 7 and 12 castings a day. It is very nice to be able to relax and not have to try to figure my way around the city, because it would be impossible. After these long days, I am very tired so when I get home I work out and go straight to sleep. However, on weekends, we do not have castings. I hear that the partying in Tokyo is quite fun, so on Saturday I thought I would venture out. FAIL. It wasn't fun at all. It was just another club with people I don't know very well so it was hard for me to enjoy it. Plus the girls were pressuring me to drink and find a boy when I DON'T drink and Tokyo = ME time, not FIND A BOY time. "Just because I am single, doesn't mean that I am available." -ME. Some of the girls think that it is so great because we are "VIP" and sit at owner's table on top of everyone, but it's really not that special. These type of things do not get me excited. I just want to have fun. The club doesn't close til around 5 am here, but I got over it around 230 and left at 3. It was nice to get out of my place, but I don't plan on going out 5 nights a week like I was in LA. No matter what, I always had a good night when I went out in LA. I will be relaxing for the rest of the week, and attempting another night this Saturday with the girls.

To all of my LA friends and special friends, I miss you all dearly. If everything goes as planned I will be back in 5 weeks destroying the town once again. I don't know if I'm happy to be honest, but this is another "once in a lifetime opportunity", and I will make the best of it.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Buh Bye LA

As planned, I am off to Tokyo tomorrow. My trip will be about 6 weeks long, as designated by my contract. I have very mixed feelings about this excursion. In the 7 weeks that I have spent in LA, I can honestly say that I have found a home. My parents are back in Carlsbad, but there is no work there, so I can't expect to be going back all the time, and I have no life set up there. I have made such amazing relationships here, friendships, and more. Louis, Ashley, Damon, Michael, Margaux, Sarah, Sterling, they have all given me so much and made me feel like I finally belong somewhere. Normally when I travel, I just go and do my thing and leave. I feel like I am leaving something "real" behind here. I was talking with Miss Ashley this morning, discussing my departure and what I will be leaving behind when I go. I told her that I have really fallen attached to a couple people here, and I don't know how to explain that to them. She told me that I just have to go forward with my life. She noticed how confused I am about all my feelings about work and relationships, and I told her that I have to not care, because if I care then I will be hurt. She responded, "Ali, if you don't care, if you don't hurt, then you feel nothing. What is life without feelings?". Love, pain, heartache, no matter how much they can hurt us, that hurt reassures us that we are alive. There is a reason these things happen to us. "Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Lonliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again." -Unknown. This really made me think about my views on things. But why do I try to hurt myself? I always involve myself with boys that are unavailable. When I first started with my ex, he had a girlfriend. Then my boy in Paris was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, my next hookup was someone I knew I would never see again, and now, I am with someone that has told me time and time again that a relationship will never happen with any girl. I always put myself in these positions and I don't understand why yet. While I have been with a boy in each city, I have dedicated my time in Tokyo to myself. I want to be alone, to find myself and to sleep alone at night, because for some reason, the boys I lay next to aren't really there, right? Anyways, I have a lot to think about and reflect on. My next post will be from my new place in Tokyo. Hopefully my journey will be a good one. Til next time...

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland