HOME

So as you all know, I have been traveling the world like crazy for the past year. I've been visiting Portugal, Paris, Tokyo, London, LA, NY, New Zealand, and Australia. From all this traveling, I feel like I have gained an experience that many will never have the pleasure of embarking on, and I am very appreciative of it. HOWEVER, after this crazy year, I have finally decided on a home. NYC!!! I am living at Lauren Browne's apartment again down in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I love it down here so much. Lauren moved to Las Vegas to be with her boyfriend, but is still paying half the rent for when she needs to come to NY for work and such. So BASICALLY I live alone and it is going great. Work has finally been going well for me. I have options in the upcoming month that I am very excited about and crossing my fingers to get. I shot for Chinese Vogue two days ago, which was an amazing experience in and of itself. I am flying to Zurich, Switzerland for a week in November to do a few fashion shows. I can honestly say that I am happy with my work life and that things are going great.

Then there's the personal life....

I have been having a blast and spending a lot of time with my friends here in the city. Sofia Arellano, who I met in LA, is here in NY now. Madeleine Kragg and Whitney Jensen are here as well, both of whom I met in Paris. It's so nice to be reunited with my friends again. The boy life has been quite troublesome though. I met this great guy here in the city back in August, but I never viewed it as serious because I thought I was still on the traveling tip. Now I have come back to New York and realized how much I care for him. He has his life though and his job proves troublesome in his mind to maintain a relationship. I think it's interesting how girls never put themselves out there, and they always wait for the guys to come around to them. I am quite the opposite, and patience is definitely not one of my virtues. I think girls should take up the reins once in a while and take control of the relationship. At the end of the day, why is a girl's feelings more important than the guy's? The guys get just as frustrated when they are denied. However, the girls do tend to handle it more externally I have found. Tears, ice cream, calling the friends to vent. Why? Stop that. Suck it up. There's so many people out there. The average person loves seven times in their life. 7 TIMES!! That's insanity to me. Just remember that there is someone out there for everyone. This is one of those cheesy love quotes that I really do believe in. I don't think it is destiny that you will meet the "one" for you, I think there are many "one"s for everyone. It just takes a few trial and errors to find one of them. ;) Anyways, those are my views on things at the moment.

I hope all my readers are doing well. If you're wondering where I am in the world, IM HOME.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

London Bridge

Currently I am in London. I hate to bash a city, but it isn't going well for me. I did the fashion week in New York, did all presentations there, then continued on to London for their fashion week as well. Rather than continue on, however, I will be staying here until October 16, and then heading back to New York. I can not wait to get back to NY. When I first arrived in London, it was nothing but problems for the entire fashion week. I walked for 3 designers, Felder Felder, Saro, and Michael VanDerHam. Fashion week is the craziest time of the year for models. We have to do around 15 castings a day and it is exhausting to say the least. We then continue on from city to city and have a month of insanity. I found that a lot of the new faces in NY were fed up with it rather quickly, and decided they will not be doing fashion week again. I like the craziness however and it only occurs two times out of the year, so it isn't so bad for me. However, the agency here was struggling to keep it together during fashion week, so there were a lot of complications. One thing I cannot deal with is incompetence. The first day they tried to deny me a driver, they made me so late for a show that I arrived 20 minutes before it started, rushed hair and makeup, and I walked out on the runway immediately. A few mistakes, and days, later, I couldn't take it anymore and started bawling to my mom on Skype. Thank goodness for her because she is keeping me sane.

I am now staying in London to work and see clients and do normal castings for about a month. The weather here is quite unpleasant. Always cold and rainy, Cali girls don't adapt too well. It is also hard to get around because everything is so far away. London is a large city and there is a lot of long rides on the Tube (subway), and walking. The only thing keeping me happy is my trip to Paris. Despite the agency fighting me, I AM going to Paris this weekend to see friends and have a blast. I haven't been there in so long, I can't believe it has been six months already. I'm ecstatic to get back. Luckily I live with a friend as well, Indiamara from Brazil. She is the sweetest girl I know and such a great roommate. I am so happy to be living with her.

I went out for the first time last night as well which was a BLAST. I met a crazy Russian named Elena and we had a a great time dancing together. We went to Vendome, which isn't the nicest club in London - because of the people they allow in - but it was still a fun nonetheless. I went out with a promoter named Sei who was so nice and showed us a great time. I'm sure going out will help the time pass here in London, because I am really looking forward to getting back to NY with all my friends. That's life for me at the moment,

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

I love New York

So I haven't written in my blog in a while because I wasn't quite sure what to write about. However, I thought I would share my latest experiences to keep everyone updated. Since I was in LA, slight complications with the plan to set up a home, so I freaked out, threw my stuff in my car, drove home, and caught a quick flight to New York. Since I have been here, I can easily say that I am the happiest that I have ever been. I am staying with one of my best friends, Lauren Browne. It has been absolutely uhmazing. She is such a good friend to me and we have a blast living together. My other best friend Kelsey Rogers is in New York as well. I can't believe we are finally together again. Me and Kels haven't been in the same city together in over a year. It was about time that we were reunited.

I spend my days here doing castings, and when I'm not working, I'm usually with Kelsey at her apartment over in Chelsea. Work has been good since I have been here as well. I tested with Mac on Tuesday, done two shoots for Sacks (pictures for their website), and I'm flying to LA for 36 hours for another shoot at the end of next week. My agent here at IMG, Lisa Dirucco, is absolutely fantastic. She is so sweet to me. It was her decision to have me get extensions for my work, which turned out absolutely perfect, and tomorrow we are going to go shopping together. I really love IMG, they are such a good agency, both on paper and in their personal relationships with their girls.

At this point, I would love if after the fashion weeks, I could move to New York because I work best here, and both of my best friends live here. I also love that it is half way between LA and Paris for direct bookings. However, the past has shown that my plans never tend to work out. So let's see what the future holds for me. I am nothing but excited for my future and how things have been going with work and personal life ;). I'm remembering why I put off school for this career choice. Hopefully nothing but happiness and good times for the future.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

I'm Baaaaaaack LALA

So as you all know, I spent the last 5 weeks in Tokyo, Japan. I had heaps of fun there and made such amazing friends, but because the work was almost nonexistent, it was hard for me to fully enjoy it. I arrived back in LA on Sunday and I am so much happier because of it. I'm staying at my good friends' house so it's so nice to be surrounded by them. Upon arriving at the airport, Lauren Browne (LB) and Louis Carreon (LC) picked me up which was the best pickup ever because I love them both dearly and the ride back to the house consisted of burning each other and laughing. I spent as much time with LB as I could because she is my hero and abandoned me to go to Cabo for a few days with a special friend. However she is coming back in town for a couple days where things will be amazing once again, and I will be staying at her place in New York when I go out there to start fashion week in the end of August. UHHHmazing. I don't know what I would do without this girl and her bbm voicenotes. She basically keeps me sane.

On my second night back we spent the night partying at Teddy's, while although it's not my favorite party of the week, I always have a blast. It was so nice to be with the crew again. I was reunited with Margaux earlier in the day for some catch up time which was amazeballs, and Michael Utsinger can't help but to make me laugh all of the time. There were two DJs that were working the night, however I only liked Kid Capri. He played the crappy hip hop music that everyone says our generation is using to destroy music, however, it enables me and the pack of animals LC brings to destroy the night. The last hour was so much fun and we danced until there was nothing left in us (however, there's always more energy for dancing for me). I had work the next day so I returned to my place of stay while the boys ventured an after party. God damn animals. I missed them. :p

My agency here in LA is LA Models. I have always been with their print board, but I haven't officially gone over to their runway board yet. When I got back from Tokyo, they immediately wanted me to come in and sit down with them. After showing them my walk, they told me that they really love me and will be getting me tons of work while I am in town. This made me really happy because the print board has not been very busy lately, so it will be nice to get some work done. They sent me to a casting for Nordstrom yesterday in which they were casting for the entire season. They told the agency they loved me and booked me for the account. What makes this even MORE fabulous is that LB booked the account too, so it will be never ending fun on this job. I don't know why but I am so happy here in LA. Things just can't get me down and always seem to go my way. I love this city. It's a shame I'll only be in town a few weeks until I have to ship off to New York and get my fashion week season underway.... Til Next time

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Traveling Tokyo

At this point, I have been in Tokyo for a little over two and a half weeks. I have made some good friends here and been reunited with others. My days consist of riding in a car all day with the other models from my agency while our drivers take us to our castings. Upon arriving, I had a contract that guaranteed me US$14,000 as long as I book five jobs in the first ten days, and stay within my measurements. Neither of which happened so the contract was cancelled. At this point it became the agency's decision on whether I stay, or return home immediately. Despite having not booked a single job yet, the agency said that the clients do like me here, and that they would like if I stayed, so I did. In the last few days I have booked two jobs, so at least I will get something out of this trip. However, assuming that no more work comes up, I will still leave early. Most girls would be sad to leave such a nice place, but I am looking forward to it. Although life here is easy and fun, I have not been enjoying it as much as I thought. I have been missing LA more than planned. Normally when I travel, I don't get attached to anyone or anything, and I leave without any second thoughts. I find myself wanting to settle down in LA rather than continuing to travel all the time. I have been traveling nonstop for the past year, and it is starting to wear on me. I made a few very good relationships in LA, and now I want to stay there. I still plan on doing the fashion weeks in the fall, but after that, my destination is undecided. I have been thinking a lot here in Tokyo, and I found that I travel so much, not because I love it, but because all my other options seem far worse than the one I am currently embarking on. I can't imagine going to college right now and being surrounded with people my own age because of the maturity aspects; and settling down somewhere hasn't been an option because no one has given me a reason to stay. While I love my alone time, I find it very hard to be alone all of the time. I'm very much looking forward to getting back to the city of angels to figure out if I will be able to set up a home there. If not, then I suppose I will "keep on trucking" until I do find somewhere and someone worth sticking around for. I do like my job and I want to continue modeling and traveling for direct bookings (when a client books me without a casting/go-see), but living on the road all of the time isn't on the top of my to-do list at the moment. I suppose we will have to see how thing play out. I try to assure myself that no matter what happens, things will always work out for the best. "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so that eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together" -Marilyn Monroe. This quote pretty much sums up everything that can goes wrong with my life and reminds me that everything has to work out for the best. If things aren't at they're best, then it must not be the end. At the end of the day, if you give everything your all, relationships, friendships, work, then whatever happens, you know that it wasn't your fault because you tried your best to make it happen. Despite the wall that I have surrounded myself with, I have decided to take a couple bricks off and if I get hurt, well that is my fault and I will move on.

Until all of my decision making begins, I will be in Tokyo trying my best to work and have a good time with the nightlife =). I am remaining single, not available, and sober, and loving every aspect. Until next time,

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Hello Tokyo

So I am officially settled in to my new place in Tokyo. I arrived safe and sound last Monday. So far things have been a little rocky to say the least. The second I arrived I was whisked off to castings at 8 at night. By the time I got home to my little box, I passed out, woke up, and had to figure my way to Agence Presse on my own. Despite having a minor breakdown when I realized everything was in Japanese, I managed to navigate my way to the agency. After arriving, they immediately measured me, and told me I was way too big in my waist. It was approximately 67 cm. I am now on a mission to lose at least 2 cm, or I risk being sent home. While it is harsh, I have learned to appreciate the pressure they put on us. Modeling is a special job that not everyone can do, and if they weren't so determined to have us all looking so skinny, then anyone could do it. The size at our height is what makes us unique. Wish me luck on this one!!

My typical day here consists of having a driver take me to anywhere between 7 and 12 castings a day. It is very nice to be able to relax and not have to try to figure my way around the city, because it would be impossible. After these long days, I am very tired so when I get home I work out and go straight to sleep. However, on weekends, we do not have castings. I hear that the partying in Tokyo is quite fun, so on Saturday I thought I would venture out. FAIL. It wasn't fun at all. It was just another club with people I don't know very well so it was hard for me to enjoy it. Plus the girls were pressuring me to drink and find a boy when I DON'T drink and Tokyo = ME time, not FIND A BOY time. "Just because I am single, doesn't mean that I am available." -ME. Some of the girls think that it is so great because we are "VIP" and sit at owner's table on top of everyone, but it's really not that special. These type of things do not get me excited. I just want to have fun. The club doesn't close til around 5 am here, but I got over it around 230 and left at 3. It was nice to get out of my place, but I don't plan on going out 5 nights a week like I was in LA. No matter what, I always had a good night when I went out in LA. I will be relaxing for the rest of the week, and attempting another night this Saturday with the girls.

To all of my LA friends and special friends, I miss you all dearly. If everything goes as planned I will be back in 5 weeks destroying the town once again. I don't know if I'm happy to be honest, but this is another "once in a lifetime opportunity", and I will make the best of it.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Buh Bye LA

As planned, I am off to Tokyo tomorrow. My trip will be about 6 weeks long, as designated by my contract. I have very mixed feelings about this excursion. In the 7 weeks that I have spent in LA, I can honestly say that I have found a home. My parents are back in Carlsbad, but there is no work there, so I can't expect to be going back all the time, and I have no life set up there. I have made such amazing relationships here, friendships, and more. Louis, Ashley, Damon, Michael, Margaux, Sarah, Sterling, they have all given me so much and made me feel like I finally belong somewhere. Normally when I travel, I just go and do my thing and leave. I feel like I am leaving something "real" behind here. I was talking with Miss Ashley this morning, discussing my departure and what I will be leaving behind when I go. I told her that I have really fallen attached to a couple people here, and I don't know how to explain that to them. She told me that I just have to go forward with my life. She noticed how confused I am about all my feelings about work and relationships, and I told her that I have to not care, because if I care then I will be hurt. She responded, "Ali, if you don't care, if you don't hurt, then you feel nothing. What is life without feelings?". Love, pain, heartache, no matter how much they can hurt us, that hurt reassures us that we are alive. There is a reason these things happen to us. "Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Lonliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again." -Unknown. This really made me think about my views on things. But why do I try to hurt myself? I always involve myself with boys that are unavailable. When I first started with my ex, he had a girlfriend. Then my boy in Paris was still in love with his ex-girlfriend, my next hookup was someone I knew I would never see again, and now, I am with someone that has told me time and time again that a relationship will never happen with any girl. I always put myself in these positions and I don't understand why yet. While I have been with a boy in each city, I have dedicated my time in Tokyo to myself. I want to be alone, to find myself and to sleep alone at night, because for some reason, the boys I lay next to aren't really there, right? Anyways, I have a lot to think about and reflect on. My next post will be from my new place in Tokyo. Hopefully my journey will be a good one. Til next time...

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

San Diego

So as you all know by now, my parents live down in Carlsbad, California. My amazing friend Lauren Browne wanted to take a trip down to San Diego to pick up a musician from the airport that she has never met. She found him one day while listening to Pandora, and BOUGHT his album on itunes. Lauren never buys anything on itunes, so this was a big deal, clearly. She told me about the trip she had planned and, as always, I invited myself along. We left LA around 8 and began our journey. We are both feisty little things so, of course, our conversations consisted of boys, sex, and drugs. It was a great drive down and we were very excited to see how our new little friend would be in person. When we picked him up, we immediately got the vibes that this was not going to be a very exciting night on his part, and we were right. After arriving back at his place we all started talking. Now in the modeling world, I would hope that people don't expect us to be just pretty faces. Some of us have interesting stories and are fun to hang out with. Were we wrong to expect he would be more than just a good voice? He truly is an amazing singer. He has a Jack Johnson style that will melt your heart, but when he set the guitar down and started talking normally, it was just a failure. We all were pretty hungry around 11 or so, and we went on a mission to find food. Justin and I got burritos, while Lauren saw a Wendy's and flipped out and we had to go there. UHmazing. So we took our food and went down to the beach and sat on a bench and ate. There were sprinklers on behind us, which of course came on 10 minutes later and sprayed us all in the face, along with Justin's precious guitar. HA. So that killed the mood and we went back to the house. We all chilled outside while he played us a couple songs before we decided to just go back to Carlsbad and call it a night. After facebooking from one room to the other, Lauren and I finally fell asleep.

When we woke up, we got lunch with my mom and my BEST friend Bryce Outcault. Bryce and I have been friends for quite a while, and he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend, Matt. I was so happy to see him again and catch up on life. He has a lot going for him with work and all, and I am very proud to see how far he is coming since high school. I know we will always be close no matter where life takes us. After lunch, Lauren and I took a stroll down the beach and headed back to LA around 2. Mission accomplished. Funniest trip ever. It was so nice to get out of the city for a night. Thank you San Diego, you will be missed.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Walking

So throughout my travels, I have found that a nice way to pass time when you're bored is to go out and walk. I am always on my own when I get to a new city, and I don't have any friends at first, so I enjoy to explore my newest surroundings. Why does this have to be so difficult?? Last night I was at Louis' house and was extremely bored, so I left and decided to walk up and down Sunset to kill some time. What the hell is wrong with people? One guy followed me in his car for about 3 minutes while I walked down the road, shouting profanities at me and attempting to get me inside of his vehicle. Are you serious? Do you really think I am going to turn around and say, "Ya, I want to be abducted and raped inside your car today." Pathetic jerk. GET A LIFE. What joy do guys get out of shouting things at me?? I don't have a car here, so I walk to my castings sometimes as well. Every time I go out, I get a variety of people following me, honking, whistling, shouting, barking, etc. I just don't understand why people must do this. Do you think I will turn to you and come to your car and talk to you? Or even give you my number? NO. I am perfectly aware of the fact that I am decent looking, all of the modeling contracts confirmed THAT one for me. I don't need to be constantly bothered. I invested in a nice big pair of headphones to tune out all of the bullshit, but it only helps to a certain point.

America, I have found, has a little more decency than Europe, however. I don't get followed VERY often. I usually get more shouts and staring. While I was living in Paris, one night around 8, I was down at the metro station waiting for the subway so I could go and meet a friend. Some guy decides it would be a good idea to grab me. Not just grab my ass or my hand, which happens rather often, but actually wrap his arms around me and try to pull me away to God only knows where. After kicking him and running away in my heels, he starts yelling at me in French. When I scream back that I don't speak French, he asks me how tall I am in English. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? He grabbed me and tried to take me, only to ask me how tall I am? What is wrong with society. I find the general public to be so idiotic.

Why do people have to stare and make comments about strangers? If you say someone is hot, OK, but all the time I will be with my friends and they will say, "Check out how fat that chick is!!". Why do people care so much about looks? Sure, when looking for someone to date, I understand that sexual attraction is a MUST, but when people are just walking around, trying to go about their daily lives, why do YOU have the right to judge them. Let me tell you, YOU DON'T. Just leave everyone alone. If you don't want to talk to them because of how they look, then you're pathetic. I try so hard not to judge people on looks because the world is messed up enough without prejudice. I give everyone the same chance to be my friend, slim to none. I will be courteous and nice to everyone of course, but everyone doesn't need to be my best friend. I have found comfort in my loneliness and being on my own. I find a few SELECT people in each city that I can consider true friends, and I only want to be with them. So don't go grabbing my hand at the club or trying to start a conversation with me about your great life, because I honestly just don't care. I have the people I want in my life, and if I take the time out to call you my friend, it is for a good reason. It means that I will truly have your back throughout my time in your city. I will defend my friends to the last punch I have in me because they mean a lot to me, so don't go shouting things at them either. Asking me out is flattering. Shouting at me is not. Have some decency and go and meet a girl at Coffee Bean or something. Don't contribute to the degeneration of society with cavemen reactions. Go about YOUR life and leave the people around you alone. They would like to live their lives in peacel. I know I would like to as well...

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Relationships

So, in my last blog, I mentioned my past relationship and my dating life since then, or whatever you chose to call it. So basically, this is what has been going on:

I had a boyfriend for two years; his name was Matt Larson. We met in our math class and he had a girlfriend. He started liking me, and after a while, he left his girlfriend for me and we starting dating. He was my first boyfriend and the only one that I had done anything sexual with. I'll spare you the dirty details. We fell in "love" very quickly and we consumed each others lives. It was pathetic. How can a someone rely so much on another person? You aren't living ONE life, you are living two separate lives, and incorporating each other in them. Now when I see girls so dependent on their boyfriend, it makes me want to slap them across the face, because they don't realize how it can only lead to failure. ANYWAYS. Matt and I dated for two years, and looking back, I don't have many fond memories of it. Between telling me I was fat, finding out that he loved someone else while he was with me, lying about how many girls he slept with before me, and other things, I have to ask myself, "Was I drunk the whole relationship?". Love is blinding. It's a saying for a reason, people. You have to always remember that you are your own person, and people will come and go from your life with ease, and you have to be strong enough to let go. When my boyfriend dumped me I was SHATTERED. I was crying for days, couldn't work, couldn't eat, I was basically a mess. I had just gotten to Paris and had no one to console me but the models that I had just met. One girl that I owe a lot to is Katelyn Johnston. She helped me be a stronger person and realize how much more I have in my life, and I moved on rather quickly.

I found a boy a week later named Yo An. He was the amazing french boy that girls dream about. He was a promoter for a couple clubs out there and it didn't take much time for me to become quite fond of him. We were in the city of love driving around on his scooter, going to the Eiffel tower, etc. It was my fantasy, but I remembered that it was just that, a fantasy. I managed to keep myself distant from him. I knew that I couldn't have a relationship anymore, and I needed to live for ME and figure out what I want out of life. After a crippling trip to Portugal, I returned to Paris with an injured foot, and had to fly back to Carlsbad because I was a "liability". So much for my month in London.

This brings us to my current situation. After a lot of drama in Carlsbad with my ex, I decided that I wanted to move to LA to make money for a month before returning to my worldwide escapades. A day after arriving here, my roommate, Maryam, and I were at Coffee Bean trying to figure out where her casting was when a guy came up asking if we needed help finding our destination. This guy was Louis. Immediately I liked him, because let's be serious, looks matter in a first impression, especially in this fake city. He was extremely nice, and drove us to Maryam's casting and kicked it with us for the remainder of that sunny afternoon. We had heaps of fun, and then he invited us out that night, but we had already made plans. That night turned out to be a lot of drama for my dear Maryam, and Louis rescued us at the club with me yelling at a random named Cedric who I had punched earlier in the night for being mean to Maryam. From that day on we have been kicking it almost every day.

I promised myself that after my last relationship I would do anything to avoid getting attached to people, and so far it has served me well. Louis is different. He is starting to break down my wall and I am becoming defenseless. My immediate instinct at this point is to move to another town, because running is what i do best, but my flight to Tokyo is already booked for the first week of June. Now I don't know what I want and that scares me.

I see the world in black and white. I rarely have times where there are shades of gray and I find myself looking back in the mirror more and more asking who I am anymore. What happened to the little nerdy blond girl that only cared about her horses and her schoolwork; who was only worried about getting into an amazing college and making her parents proud? I'm not in college, and I travel the world for a work that consists of smoking to keep from eating. I never saw myself becoming this girl in my wildest dreams. I lost my innocence. I no longer hope for the best, because hopes lead to disappointment. Love isn't the fairytale that you see in the movies. I don't even know if it exists. What does exist is pain. I know that for sure. All I try to remember is that life comes one day, one hour, one second at a time, and if I die tomorrow, I want to leave this world knowing that I lived a good life and I always stayed true to myself and who I am inside. I will always be that little nerdy blond girl deep down, but I will never see the world with the innocence that I used to have, and I am a stronger person for it.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Starting Up

Ok, so today I was sitting down with my agent at LA Models, Kim. We were talking about my life's latest drama and everything that has been going on with work and boys, and she decided I should start writing a blog. I've thought about starting one for a while now and she finally pushed me into it. She thought it would be interesting for girls to hear about everything going on with my crazy "model" life, with all the traveling and whatnot. My narcissistic views on the world were another contributing factor. For 19, my mother says I'm one of the most jaded people she knows because I see the world for the crap that it is, but I still manage to stay positive and remember how lucky I am to have the life that I have. So here we go world, Allison in Wonderland.

A little bit about me.... HMMMMM. Originally from Richfield, Ohio, my parents now live in Carlsbad, Ca, and that has been my home for the past 5 years. For the last 2 years I was in a relationship with a guy from my high school which was ROCKY to say the least. I blame the whole thing on "love" and low self-esteem. We broke up when I arrived in Paris and he TEXT me deciding that he didn't know if he wanted a relationship anymore...idiot. When he came back to me a week later I said NO because I was, at this point, single in Paris, and I took FULL advantage of that. I started seeing a promoter there, which was casual. I have decided that modeling is no job that should have a relationship. It makes you distracted and want to be with them, when you just need to focus on traveling and furthering your career and blablabla. Besides, anyone can fall in love. Not falling is what is challenging. Staying detached from people is difficult, but not impossible. And I have found myself happiest keeping a distance from everyone. The only people worth keeping in my life are my family, and Kelsey Rogers. Kelsey is my BEST friend. We met on our first photo shoot and have been super close ever since. She is so much like me, brutally honest. Life isnt about sunshines and rainbows. I would rather tell someone the truth and get in a fist fight than be caddy any day.

Currently I am posted up in Los Angeles. I am here for work (modeling) because I have no money and LA is a good place to earn it. In the past year I have gone to New York, New Zealand, Australia, Paris, and Portugal for work, as well as trips to home in between, and I am off to Tokyo in the first week of June. The traveling has been amazing, but I'm very skeptical about modeling. It's very easy to get sucked in to. I'm 5'11 and weigh 125 and I get told to lose weight. UHHHmazing. If you don't have thick skin, don't bother coming into this industry, because you'll be chewed up and spit out with an eating disorder or some other issues. If you can handle it, however, it can be a lot of fun. You just have to have a good head. You always have to remember who you are and what really matters to you. Marilyn got it right, "It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not". Most girls, I find, get really wrapped up in the partying. Oh the partying. It is fun, very fun, if you find the right people to go out with. ps- beware of promoters. Despite what my agent tells me on a regular basis, they aren't ALL bad. But for the most part, scumbags. I am currently "hanging out" with a promoter/artist/musician here in LA. I say "hanging out" because you can never call it more than that. It's not dating, it's not a relationship, you just have fun and enjoy what time you have before I flee off to the next town. Never get too attached or count on things being serious, or you will just end up hurt, which you don't have time for. No one wants a depressed modeling working with them, so suck it up and don't let anyone hurt you. There is always someone out there hurting more than you, so wipe your tears, smoke a cig, and eat an apple, because you sure as hell can't go into a tub of ice cream. I'm 19, I don't need love or have time for it. I'm too young to know what love is and I don't plan to find out for a really long time, so don't expect me busy on Valentine's Day. Life is about having fun and enjoying yourself, especially when you are young, and I plan to do JUST that.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland