San Diego

So as you all know by now, my parents live down in Carlsbad, California. My amazing friend Lauren Browne wanted to take a trip down to San Diego to pick up a musician from the airport that she has never met. She found him one day while listening to Pandora, and BOUGHT his album on itunes. Lauren never buys anything on itunes, so this was a big deal, clearly. She told me about the trip she had planned and, as always, I invited myself along. We left LA around 8 and began our journey. We are both feisty little things so, of course, our conversations consisted of boys, sex, and drugs. It was a great drive down and we were very excited to see how our new little friend would be in person. When we picked him up, we immediately got the vibes that this was not going to be a very exciting night on his part, and we were right. After arriving back at his place we all started talking. Now in the modeling world, I would hope that people don't expect us to be just pretty faces. Some of us have interesting stories and are fun to hang out with. Were we wrong to expect he would be more than just a good voice? He truly is an amazing singer. He has a Jack Johnson style that will melt your heart, but when he set the guitar down and started talking normally, it was just a failure. We all were pretty hungry around 11 or so, and we went on a mission to find food. Justin and I got burritos, while Lauren saw a Wendy's and flipped out and we had to go there. UHmazing. So we took our food and went down to the beach and sat on a bench and ate. There were sprinklers on behind us, which of course came on 10 minutes later and sprayed us all in the face, along with Justin's precious guitar. HA. So that killed the mood and we went back to the house. We all chilled outside while he played us a couple songs before we decided to just go back to Carlsbad and call it a night. After facebooking from one room to the other, Lauren and I finally fell asleep.

When we woke up, we got lunch with my mom and my BEST friend Bryce Outcault. Bryce and I have been friends for quite a while, and he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend, Matt. I was so happy to see him again and catch up on life. He has a lot going for him with work and all, and I am very proud to see how far he is coming since high school. I know we will always be close no matter where life takes us. After lunch, Lauren and I took a stroll down the beach and headed back to LA around 2. Mission accomplished. Funniest trip ever. It was so nice to get out of the city for a night. Thank you San Diego, you will be missed.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Walking

So throughout my travels, I have found that a nice way to pass time when you're bored is to go out and walk. I am always on my own when I get to a new city, and I don't have any friends at first, so I enjoy to explore my newest surroundings. Why does this have to be so difficult?? Last night I was at Louis' house and was extremely bored, so I left and decided to walk up and down Sunset to kill some time. What the hell is wrong with people? One guy followed me in his car for about 3 minutes while I walked down the road, shouting profanities at me and attempting to get me inside of his vehicle. Are you serious? Do you really think I am going to turn around and say, "Ya, I want to be abducted and raped inside your car today." Pathetic jerk. GET A LIFE. What joy do guys get out of shouting things at me?? I don't have a car here, so I walk to my castings sometimes as well. Every time I go out, I get a variety of people following me, honking, whistling, shouting, barking, etc. I just don't understand why people must do this. Do you think I will turn to you and come to your car and talk to you? Or even give you my number? NO. I am perfectly aware of the fact that I am decent looking, all of the modeling contracts confirmed THAT one for me. I don't need to be constantly bothered. I invested in a nice big pair of headphones to tune out all of the bullshit, but it only helps to a certain point.

America, I have found, has a little more decency than Europe, however. I don't get followed VERY often. I usually get more shouts and staring. While I was living in Paris, one night around 8, I was down at the metro station waiting for the subway so I could go and meet a friend. Some guy decides it would be a good idea to grab me. Not just grab my ass or my hand, which happens rather often, but actually wrap his arms around me and try to pull me away to God only knows where. After kicking him and running away in my heels, he starts yelling at me in French. When I scream back that I don't speak French, he asks me how tall I am in English. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? He grabbed me and tried to take me, only to ask me how tall I am? What is wrong with society. I find the general public to be so idiotic.

Why do people have to stare and make comments about strangers? If you say someone is hot, OK, but all the time I will be with my friends and they will say, "Check out how fat that chick is!!". Why do people care so much about looks? Sure, when looking for someone to date, I understand that sexual attraction is a MUST, but when people are just walking around, trying to go about their daily lives, why do YOU have the right to judge them. Let me tell you, YOU DON'T. Just leave everyone alone. If you don't want to talk to them because of how they look, then you're pathetic. I try so hard not to judge people on looks because the world is messed up enough without prejudice. I give everyone the same chance to be my friend, slim to none. I will be courteous and nice to everyone of course, but everyone doesn't need to be my best friend. I have found comfort in my loneliness and being on my own. I find a few SELECT people in each city that I can consider true friends, and I only want to be with them. So don't go grabbing my hand at the club or trying to start a conversation with me about your great life, because I honestly just don't care. I have the people I want in my life, and if I take the time out to call you my friend, it is for a good reason. It means that I will truly have your back throughout my time in your city. I will defend my friends to the last punch I have in me because they mean a lot to me, so don't go shouting things at them either. Asking me out is flattering. Shouting at me is not. Have some decency and go and meet a girl at Coffee Bean or something. Don't contribute to the degeneration of society with cavemen reactions. Go about YOUR life and leave the people around you alone. They would like to live their lives in peacel. I know I would like to as well...

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Relationships

So, in my last blog, I mentioned my past relationship and my dating life since then, or whatever you chose to call it. So basically, this is what has been going on:

I had a boyfriend for two years; his name was Matt Larson. We met in our math class and he had a girlfriend. He started liking me, and after a while, he left his girlfriend for me and we starting dating. He was my first boyfriend and the only one that I had done anything sexual with. I'll spare you the dirty details. We fell in "love" very quickly and we consumed each others lives. It was pathetic. How can a someone rely so much on another person? You aren't living ONE life, you are living two separate lives, and incorporating each other in them. Now when I see girls so dependent on their boyfriend, it makes me want to slap them across the face, because they don't realize how it can only lead to failure. ANYWAYS. Matt and I dated for two years, and looking back, I don't have many fond memories of it. Between telling me I was fat, finding out that he loved someone else while he was with me, lying about how many girls he slept with before me, and other things, I have to ask myself, "Was I drunk the whole relationship?". Love is blinding. It's a saying for a reason, people. You have to always remember that you are your own person, and people will come and go from your life with ease, and you have to be strong enough to let go. When my boyfriend dumped me I was SHATTERED. I was crying for days, couldn't work, couldn't eat, I was basically a mess. I had just gotten to Paris and had no one to console me but the models that I had just met. One girl that I owe a lot to is Katelyn Johnston. She helped me be a stronger person and realize how much more I have in my life, and I moved on rather quickly.

I found a boy a week later named Yo An. He was the amazing french boy that girls dream about. He was a promoter for a couple clubs out there and it didn't take much time for me to become quite fond of him. We were in the city of love driving around on his scooter, going to the Eiffel tower, etc. It was my fantasy, but I remembered that it was just that, a fantasy. I managed to keep myself distant from him. I knew that I couldn't have a relationship anymore, and I needed to live for ME and figure out what I want out of life. After a crippling trip to Portugal, I returned to Paris with an injured foot, and had to fly back to Carlsbad because I was a "liability". So much for my month in London.

This brings us to my current situation. After a lot of drama in Carlsbad with my ex, I decided that I wanted to move to LA to make money for a month before returning to my worldwide escapades. A day after arriving here, my roommate, Maryam, and I were at Coffee Bean trying to figure out where her casting was when a guy came up asking if we needed help finding our destination. This guy was Louis. Immediately I liked him, because let's be serious, looks matter in a first impression, especially in this fake city. He was extremely nice, and drove us to Maryam's casting and kicked it with us for the remainder of that sunny afternoon. We had heaps of fun, and then he invited us out that night, but we had already made plans. That night turned out to be a lot of drama for my dear Maryam, and Louis rescued us at the club with me yelling at a random named Cedric who I had punched earlier in the night for being mean to Maryam. From that day on we have been kicking it almost every day.

I promised myself that after my last relationship I would do anything to avoid getting attached to people, and so far it has served me well. Louis is different. He is starting to break down my wall and I am becoming defenseless. My immediate instinct at this point is to move to another town, because running is what i do best, but my flight to Tokyo is already booked for the first week of June. Now I don't know what I want and that scares me.

I see the world in black and white. I rarely have times where there are shades of gray and I find myself looking back in the mirror more and more asking who I am anymore. What happened to the little nerdy blond girl that only cared about her horses and her schoolwork; who was only worried about getting into an amazing college and making her parents proud? I'm not in college, and I travel the world for a work that consists of smoking to keep from eating. I never saw myself becoming this girl in my wildest dreams. I lost my innocence. I no longer hope for the best, because hopes lead to disappointment. Love isn't the fairytale that you see in the movies. I don't even know if it exists. What does exist is pain. I know that for sure. All I try to remember is that life comes one day, one hour, one second at a time, and if I die tomorrow, I want to leave this world knowing that I lived a good life and I always stayed true to myself and who I am inside. I will always be that little nerdy blond girl deep down, but I will never see the world with the innocence that I used to have, and I am a stronger person for it.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland

Starting Up

Ok, so today I was sitting down with my agent at LA Models, Kim. We were talking about my life's latest drama and everything that has been going on with work and boys, and she decided I should start writing a blog. I've thought about starting one for a while now and she finally pushed me into it. She thought it would be interesting for girls to hear about everything going on with my crazy "model" life, with all the traveling and whatnot. My narcissistic views on the world were another contributing factor. For 19, my mother says I'm one of the most jaded people she knows because I see the world for the crap that it is, but I still manage to stay positive and remember how lucky I am to have the life that I have. So here we go world, Allison in Wonderland.

A little bit about me.... HMMMMM. Originally from Richfield, Ohio, my parents now live in Carlsbad, Ca, and that has been my home for the past 5 years. For the last 2 years I was in a relationship with a guy from my high school which was ROCKY to say the least. I blame the whole thing on "love" and low self-esteem. We broke up when I arrived in Paris and he TEXT me deciding that he didn't know if he wanted a relationship anymore...idiot. When he came back to me a week later I said NO because I was, at this point, single in Paris, and I took FULL advantage of that. I started seeing a promoter there, which was casual. I have decided that modeling is no job that should have a relationship. It makes you distracted and want to be with them, when you just need to focus on traveling and furthering your career and blablabla. Besides, anyone can fall in love. Not falling is what is challenging. Staying detached from people is difficult, but not impossible. And I have found myself happiest keeping a distance from everyone. The only people worth keeping in my life are my family, and Kelsey Rogers. Kelsey is my BEST friend. We met on our first photo shoot and have been super close ever since. She is so much like me, brutally honest. Life isnt about sunshines and rainbows. I would rather tell someone the truth and get in a fist fight than be caddy any day.

Currently I am posted up in Los Angeles. I am here for work (modeling) because I have no money and LA is a good place to earn it. In the past year I have gone to New York, New Zealand, Australia, Paris, and Portugal for work, as well as trips to home in between, and I am off to Tokyo in the first week of June. The traveling has been amazing, but I'm very skeptical about modeling. It's very easy to get sucked in to. I'm 5'11 and weigh 125 and I get told to lose weight. UHHHmazing. If you don't have thick skin, don't bother coming into this industry, because you'll be chewed up and spit out with an eating disorder or some other issues. If you can handle it, however, it can be a lot of fun. You just have to have a good head. You always have to remember who you are and what really matters to you. Marilyn got it right, "It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not". Most girls, I find, get really wrapped up in the partying. Oh the partying. It is fun, very fun, if you find the right people to go out with. ps- beware of promoters. Despite what my agent tells me on a regular basis, they aren't ALL bad. But for the most part, scumbags. I am currently "hanging out" with a promoter/artist/musician here in LA. I say "hanging out" because you can never call it more than that. It's not dating, it's not a relationship, you just have fun and enjoy what time you have before I flee off to the next town. Never get too attached or count on things being serious, or you will just end up hurt, which you don't have time for. No one wants a depressed modeling working with them, so suck it up and don't let anyone hurt you. There is always someone out there hurting more than you, so wipe your tears, smoke a cig, and eat an apple, because you sure as hell can't go into a tub of ice cream. I'm 19, I don't need love or have time for it. I'm too young to know what love is and I don't plan to find out for a really long time, so don't expect me busy on Valentine's Day. Life is about having fun and enjoying yourself, especially when you are young, and I plan to do JUST that.

XOXO

Allison in Wonderland